Tips for Moving with Children
When you have a family, buying a house and moving can be an especially challenging and stressful time, both for you as well as for your children. No matter how good your reason for moving, you must remember that you are uprooting your family - separating your children from their friends and everything familiar. That’s a tough adjustment for anyone.
It's important to communicate with your children during this time: be aware of their feelings and concerns, include them in the decision-process (as much as is practical) and make sure they know that things will be alright. Make no mistake, moving with your family will have its ups and downs, but with some careful thought and planning there are things you can do to make things easier for everyone. Here are a few tips and suggestions to assist you with your planning.
Before Your Move
Communicate – Tell your children about the upcoming move as soon as possible to allow them time to adjust and react to the idea. Discuss the reasons for the move, going over both positives and negatives. Be honest. Listen to their objections and let them express their feelings. Expect concerns about leaving friends and relative, changes in schools, sports and activities. Be prepared to answer lots of questions about their new town, schools, sports, local organizations, etc.
Most towns and schools have brochures which will give your children a better idea of where they are going and what to expect. Investigate any local sports or clubs that are similar to your child’s current activities and request information on behalf of your child. While the move may be good for your career, your child will be more concerned about how it will affect them. Focus on the benefits of the move for your children - new opportunities, better schools, new activities, etc. Expect your children’s reactions to change over time as they have a chance talk with their friends and begin to think about their new home.
Get them excited, get them involved – Whenever and wherever possible, allow your child to participate in the moving process. It will give them the opportunity feel some control over the process. If practical, bring them on home-hunting trips and encourage them to take notes on homes they like. If they can’t go on house-hunting trips, be sure to take lots of pictures of homes, local parks and schools, etc. If practical, let them choose their bedroom, and encourage them to get involved in any pre-move decorating choices (painting, carpeting, etc.).
Help them prepare – Help your child prepare a list of emails and phone numbers of their friends and any local relatives. They need to understand that while they are moving away, they can still stay in touch. As moving day gets closer, be sure to arrange a few special goodbye parties with friends and relatives. Sleepovers, ice cream or pizza parties can be fun ways for your child to say their goodbyes.
Help your child create a scrapbook including photos of their friends, favorite places and activities. Be sure as well to make a few “final” visits or activities – to a town pool/park, ice cream parlor, favorite restaurant, etc. Do some research and be sure to tell them about any similar places near your new home. It helps, especially for the younger children, to know that there will be similar activities and meals after the move.
During Your Move
Keep it routine – Be sure to follow your routine as much as possible. As pack commences and belongings disappear into boxes, be sure not to pack any special items – blankets, toys etc. – allow your child to take those with them while traveling to their new location. This will reduce some of their moving stress.
Keep them engaged - As you get closer to the move, encourage them to sort through their belongings and decide what they don’t want or need (what you can get rid of) and what they want to keep. Older children can pack their own boxes and younger children can decorate theirs – this makes things easier once you’ve arrived as their possessions will be more easily found.
Manage expectations – No move goes by without at least a few minor bumps. Try to anticipate any problems. Always stay positive. Be honest about any problems, but also be upbeat and opportunistic. How you act and react will affect your children.
After Your Move
Allow for adjustment – The first few days after a move, it’s important not to spend all your time solely unpacking. Sure, there’s a lot to do, but it’s important to spend some of these first few days with your children helping them adjust and explore their new home. Visit a nearby park, go out to a local restaurant, take walks or bike rides around your new neighborhood, and introduce yourselves to neighbors (and their children).
Get them involved – Encourage your children to get involved in local sports or activities as soon as possible. This can be especially important if your move is during the summer months, when your children are out of school and may not have many opportunities to meet and make new friends. It’s only natural that they miss their old friends and home. A new activity, sport or class will give them something else to focus their thoughts and will give them opportunities to meet new friends. If your child is shy or nervous meeting new people, be sure to offer to help with introductions to neighborhood children.
Communicate – Be sure to talk with your children about how they are doing in their new school or activities. Listen to their stories about their new friends, new sports teams, first classes or first days at school. Follow their progress and get involved. Expect to them to experience some post-move blues – it’s only natural – but keep a positive attitude. The adjustment can take a long time, sometimes 4-5 months for teens, so expect some bumps along the way. Talk to a doctor if you notice any unusual behavior, changes in eating/sleeping habits or ongoing despondent moods over a prolonged period of time.